draw conclusions on the wall

Today was made to cry. The clouds hung over the earth that created a contrast for people to look at everything differently. I cried for human kind, I cried for love, I cried for hardship, I cried for joy. People lose so much faith sometimes in multiple forms. When even the smallest amount is restored it can equate to so much. It is faith in the bigger picture. It is hope for the things we cannot see or control. It is the dream that no matter how many times with convince ourselves we can’t make a difference, our hearts tell us we can. My tears today are for you, and all the things you feel but cannot explain. I saw people come together today over something so far away and distant that it doesn’t seem possible. In our generation that fills it’s discourse on complaints about technology, money, and so many petty things, my heart was humbled by the simple task so many took to re-post a video. It may not be much, but it is what our generation was meant to do, and today I saw it done in the best form possible. To make a difference. To let others know we care. To tell that government(s), and the people around the world, I have a voice.. My tears today are hopeful.

I am not sure the exact content of this post..just needed to be written down.

There is a man I love who doesn’t really understand. There is a man I love, who doesn’t even know the affect his presence has in the world. When he walks someone looks, when he talks someone listens, when he breathes someone holds theirs. It is that young man that is too easy to fall in love with that makes us forget what is real or a dream. It is his smile that makes it seem impossible to frown. It’s in his mystery that I keep searching for clues. It is in his honesty that I find hope in human kind. He will never know that when the sun rises I am me because of him. And he will never know that when I sleep I can tell him everything that I am not brave enough to say. But it is to his face that I can say I love you. How I got here I will never really know, how it goes will only reveal itself in time, but in this moment when I think of this man who seems to good to be true, I realize it is in fact, true. True love in the most cliche and beautiful form. True in the emotions that you cannot create words for. True in the man who doesn’t really understand that someone could love him this much.

Its amazing how it never gets easier. Time, time, time. The further away the slower it moves, the deeper I fall, and the harder I cry. It never fails how badly I want you near, it never fails to hurt. Love is a strange emotion and connected with time, it can do the most amazing and difficult things. It is time to pick up my feet once again, strengthen my bones, and allow time to do what it will.

It was one of those days when I was driving home, and I couldn’t help but talk to myself. Only really I was talking to God. I am beginning to feel more confident, more complacent, more at ease, and in love with the simplicity or complication you can choose to make of your life. I am understanding choices and how I cannot lose faith. I look around and I can see my life staring back at me. Yes I am emotional, and have issues with criticism, and fear of failure, but then I look a little further and I see my friends, I see my family, I see my accomplishments, my education, my travels, my voice, and me. I see the beauty in it all, and realize that I will never have these moments again. I am so grateful for the people God has placed in my life. Even when I go away from Him, He still puts the most amazing people in my life, reminding me that He is always looking out for me, and always in my heart.

I need a new journal. At times, I just need a new mind. I can settle for a new mindset. I’ll take what I can get. I need a new journal.

I am feeling different, and I have absolutely no idea what to make of it.